Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dicks are not precious.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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