Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
