So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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