turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
