The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
