I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
