Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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