Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
