you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
