**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
