Your face is a jimmy john
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
