I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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