u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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