i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
