listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm really busy with my period
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