She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nobody cheats on THIS.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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