It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
