We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
