the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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