my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
