i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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