My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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