Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
