grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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