So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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