Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
