he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
