he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
