Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
