Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
