yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
