That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
