The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want to be your penis for a week.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
