i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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