So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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