Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
