Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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