im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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