I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
