so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
