just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
