I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mom said you looked used
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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