We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
