I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
