it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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