so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
