No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
