I just made out with a guy for $7.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.