don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
