Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
