I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
