everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
