It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
