just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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