everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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