Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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