you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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