It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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