you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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