Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
