can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
