first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize