you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
