There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
