i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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