Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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