just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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