Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
