Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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