I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
