Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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