I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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